There are three scenarios that is wish to present to you, all of which have been chosen to highlight todays topic of choosing your words.
1) A definition of mental responsibility as published on a well known and respected website on paganism and witchcraft – ‘don’t dump on others, form a healthy outlook on life and build healthy relationships’
2) You walk into the kitchen at work to make a soothing cup of coffee, your eye blurry with tears and you face all read and blotchy as a result of bawling in the toilets over some very bad news. Your colleague walks in and sees you and says “Cheer up, its Friday! What’s there to be unhappy about!?”
Now, so far your probably thinking, “Ok, number two isn’t very nice I suppose, number one is just good advice isn’t it?
Scenario 3 gets a bit more extreme
3) You get home from school, you open the kitchen door to say hi to your mum. Your 6ft2 15 stone stepfather lunches at you, fist raised, hissing through his teeth “I’ll get you you f***ing bitch”. In complete terror you try to bolt out of the door, only to successfully hit your head so hard on the frame you start seeing stars. The laughter starts. As you cower in the door way, your vision slowly clearing, you see your mum and stepfather laughing big deep belly laughs. As you fight back the tears, you hear your mum chortle “Oh darling he’s only messing around, you need to learn to laugh at yourself”.
Now, I’m sure we can all agree that “I’ll get you you f***ing bitch” is not a pleasant phrase to use, at all, with anyone. In my upbringing, such phrases were commonly used ‘for a laugh’.
The point I am trying to make, whilst I am fully aware that 99% of people would not dream of treating anyone like what has occurred in scenario 3, is that my parents had no idea whatsoever that their actions, and most importantly my mother’s words, were hurtful. I can be over sensitive, I know this, but I also think that scenarios 1 and 2 can also cause a lot of pain particularly to those who have been through something like scenario 3.
Take number 1. My internal gut reaction to this was an angry “You know what darling, its not always that easy!”. I am completely sure that this phrase was written with the aim of offering helpful advice and in total good will. However, to those who suffer or who have suffered from extreme lonliness, isolation, self esteem issues, self loathing, and a whole myriad of other mental and emotional problems, to follow such advice would be very difficult to do simply because our social skills are shot to pieces. It would likely be taken as a criticism, further agreement that we are not good enough because we struggle to follow such directions. So, we would read the statement, feel hurt and ashamed, and curl up into a tighter knot and hope no one can see us for what terrible people we are.
Number 2. Grrr people who do this make me feel really angry! The level of self absorption is sickening. You don’t have to have a mental health problem to be knocked to the floor and stamped on by one of these people. Yet, scenarios like this happen all the time, and in all social situations. Ever been in one of those conversations where you get interrupted before you have finished your sentence? And every sentence you try to complete, you get cut off mid breath? How more blatantly can you show someone that you have absolute no interest in them or anything that they are saying than by behaving in such a manner? Is it really so difficult to stop, look outside of yourself for the briefest of moments, and see that other people also have feelings, desires and needs? You don’t even have to actually care, but would it really damage you that much to just pretend? If nothing else, to not consider others is just plain bad manners!
Ok, gripe over. The point I am attempting to make is that language is key. It is the primary method of communication for our species. A number of biologists and psychologists claim that it is our complex language and the myriad of ways that we use it that make us unique. It is potentially what makes us human. We share up to 90% of our DNA with mice, yet no other creature has a communication system quite like our own. It is a key part of our day to day lives, from forming deep relationships to taking a book out of the library. The school of though in psychology known as social constructionism which places a strong role on language in the creation of the self and the world. One of the principles of this school is relativism, the idea that “the person is indistinguishable from its roles, culture and relationships, and is continually being constructed through language and other systems of symbolic representation.” (http://www.psy.dmu.ac.uk/michael/soc_con_disc.htm)
If the manner in which you speak to someone contains no empathy, no consideration of the other person as a separate individual, if you are oblivious to cues such as tone of voice, their use of certain words, any changes in demeanour and body language according to the topic being discussed, then you potentially could be having a negative impact on that person’s representation of themselves and their environment. Im not suggesting that we all go around walking on eggshells in case we say something that is triggering to a complete stranger, but a little more awareness could go a long way particularly for those that we see on a regular basis. It could make all the difference to someone’s day; rather than telling them to cheer up perhaps offer them a cup of coffee and a reassuring arm squeeze instead. I know what would make me feel better.
Paganhorsegirl.
Wednesday, 27 January 2010
Monday, 25 January 2010
Maternal Instinct
Yay! First blog post. And guess what guys and gals, I've gone for a topic that we all know and love……
Drum roll please!
LACEBUGS!
Drum roll please!
LACEBUGS!
Oh yes, lacebugs. Isn’t it purdy? Why oh why paganhorsegirl? I hear you cry. Well believe it or not, there is a very important lesson we can learn from these little fellas. A lesson in caring about our kids.
First, a little biological background. Lacebugs are from the family Tingidae, characterised by the delicate and intricate network of divided areas that form the forwings and the pronotum (foremost segment of the thorax) of the adult insect. It is these divided areas that look like lace and give the lacebug its common name. The adults are about 3-6 mm long, and these bugs undergo incomplete metamorphis as the nymphs or young are effectively miniatures of the adults but without wings and are darker in colour. Lacebugs are herbivores, and are generally host specific. Their importance to us humans, surprise surprise, is that they are a pest, particularly of oriental plants such as rhododendrons.
So, now for the interesting bit (although if you are a geek like me, the above paragraph fits into this category). So far, the lace bug just sounds like your ordinary bug yes? Eats plants, lays eggs, short lifespan, ticks human beings off.
But no! the lacebug is far more complicated than that!
Last night, as one does, I was engrossed in an episode of David Attenborough’s Trials of Life (fab dvd, go buy). Upon my screen came this unfamiliar little beastie, the lacebug. This tiny little bug had a whole brood of nymphs to take care of, like, 50 of the little critters. Poor thing had to walk the equivalent of a mile just to do a full circuit around them and check they were all ok.
Anyhoo, this insect, with no weaponry to speak of, proceeded to fend off not one but two predators. Said predators included a jumping spider, which has teeth like this:
First, a little biological background. Lacebugs are from the family Tingidae, characterised by the delicate and intricate network of divided areas that form the forwings and the pronotum (foremost segment of the thorax) of the adult insect. It is these divided areas that look like lace and give the lacebug its common name. The adults are about 3-6 mm long, and these bugs undergo incomplete metamorphis as the nymphs or young are effectively miniatures of the adults but without wings and are darker in colour. Lacebugs are herbivores, and are generally host specific. Their importance to us humans, surprise surprise, is that they are a pest, particularly of oriental plants such as rhododendrons.
So, now for the interesting bit (although if you are a geek like me, the above paragraph fits into this category). So far, the lace bug just sounds like your ordinary bug yes? Eats plants, lays eggs, short lifespan, ticks human beings off.
But no! the lacebug is far more complicated than that!
Last night, as one does, I was engrossed in an episode of David Attenborough’s Trials of Life (fab dvd, go buy). Upon my screen came this unfamiliar little beastie, the lacebug. This tiny little bug had a whole brood of nymphs to take care of, like, 50 of the little critters. Poor thing had to walk the equivalent of a mile just to do a full circuit around them and check they were all ok.
Anyhoo, this insect, with no weaponry to speak of, proceeded to fend off not one but two predators. Said predators included a jumping spider, which has teeth like this:
This spider leapt on and stabbed at this poor lacewing mother time and time again. But she was not to be deterred, oh no. She stood her ground, took the beating, saw the mean old spider off, and proceeded to herd her large group of charges to a less dangerous leaf upon which they could chow down in peace.
This little mother, showed more motherly behaviour than a fair number of human mothers (including my own) that I have come across. This tiny insect, way down there when it comes to evolutionary sophistication, has a life strategy that involves potentially sacrificing her own life for that of her children. And she does this actively! With intent! You could almost see the little thought processes whirring away in her insect brain….. “Keep your stinky mitts off my kids!” and “come along now dears, this way”. Now, I’m not suggesting that a lace bug has the intellectual capacity to have such thoughts, but the level of care was extraordinary.
Most insects just lay eggs and that’s that, but this bug invests considerable time and effort in defending her children. Why?
A scientist named Doug Tallamay was among the first to extensively research maternal behaviours in lace bugs. His species of choice was Gargaphia solani, and he reported that such expressive maternal care was closely linked to age, had a genetic basis and significantly increased the survival rate of the offspring by reducing predation. It also, however reduced the fecundity of the female (basically, she could have fewer offspring). Tallamay thought that where the food plant of Gargaphia solani grew was an area subjected to heavy predation, and that this was the selection pressure that maintained the presence of maternal care. He argues that such a hostile environment drives the evolution of specialised parental behaviours to ensure the survival of their offspring, but nonetheless the extent to which this species of lace bug exhibits parental care results in considerable cost to the breeding female. This particular species is known to be the most aggressive. Studies conducted by Kearns et al and Faeth reported herding behaviour only in other species of lace bug, but a level of kin discrimination was highlighted (mums knew which babies were theirs) as was the presence of an alarm delivery and response system through pheromone communication between mother and nypmhs.
Unfortunately, this wonderful capitalist society that we live in decrees that scientific knowledge cannot be open for all to see, even if it was conducted in the 1980s! But there you have it. It would appear that by living in a world surrounded by danger, the lace bug has evolved to watch over its precious brood and defend it to the death regardless of the cost to herself.
Now, correct me if I am wrong, but I am fairly certain that humans are missing a trick here. We, top of the food chain, the most intellectually sophisticated of all species on this planet (apparently), who have the power to destroy, conquer, and love with all our hearts, pale in comparison to the little lace wing when it comes to maternal care. Now, don’t get me wrong, I know that the vast majority of parents are loving and do a great job of bringing up their kids. But, how many horrific scenes of cruelty have we seen in the media? The poor little children being branded as witches in Nigeria, and suffering so much abuse at the hands of superstition and cruelty! In England, we have the dire case of Shannon Matthews. I’m sorry but her mother has no right to claim that title, she is NO mother. BBC news today reports that 1000 sex crimes against children are reported every year. How can anyone commit such an atrocity to a child, and how can you not know if your child is suffering like that! Finally, there are the thousands of children who live with untold levels of mental abuse from their families, abuse that destroys their sense of self to an extent that some cannot ever recover and hope to lead normal lives.
So, please join me in thanking our Mother Gaia for the caring nature of the lace bug. At least something in this world gives a s**t.
References:
Stanley H. Faeth.
Maternal care in a lace bug, Corythucha hewitti (Hemiptera: Tingidae).
Psyche 96:101-110, 1989.
Kearns R.S & Yamamoto R.T
Maternal behavious & alarm response in the Eggplant lace bug Gargaphia Solanz
Psyche 88: 215-230, 1981
Douglas W Tallamay
Insect Paternal Care
Bioscience Vol 4 pg 20
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lace_bug
This little mother, showed more motherly behaviour than a fair number of human mothers (including my own) that I have come across. This tiny insect, way down there when it comes to evolutionary sophistication, has a life strategy that involves potentially sacrificing her own life for that of her children. And she does this actively! With intent! You could almost see the little thought processes whirring away in her insect brain….. “Keep your stinky mitts off my kids!” and “come along now dears, this way”. Now, I’m not suggesting that a lace bug has the intellectual capacity to have such thoughts, but the level of care was extraordinary.
Most insects just lay eggs and that’s that, but this bug invests considerable time and effort in defending her children. Why?
A scientist named Doug Tallamay was among the first to extensively research maternal behaviours in lace bugs. His species of choice was Gargaphia solani, and he reported that such expressive maternal care was closely linked to age, had a genetic basis and significantly increased the survival rate of the offspring by reducing predation. It also, however reduced the fecundity of the female (basically, she could have fewer offspring). Tallamay thought that where the food plant of Gargaphia solani grew was an area subjected to heavy predation, and that this was the selection pressure that maintained the presence of maternal care. He argues that such a hostile environment drives the evolution of specialised parental behaviours to ensure the survival of their offspring, but nonetheless the extent to which this species of lace bug exhibits parental care results in considerable cost to the breeding female. This particular species is known to be the most aggressive. Studies conducted by Kearns et al and Faeth reported herding behaviour only in other species of lace bug, but a level of kin discrimination was highlighted (mums knew which babies were theirs) as was the presence of an alarm delivery and response system through pheromone communication between mother and nypmhs.
Unfortunately, this wonderful capitalist society that we live in decrees that scientific knowledge cannot be open for all to see, even if it was conducted in the 1980s! But there you have it. It would appear that by living in a world surrounded by danger, the lace bug has evolved to watch over its precious brood and defend it to the death regardless of the cost to herself.
Now, correct me if I am wrong, but I am fairly certain that humans are missing a trick here. We, top of the food chain, the most intellectually sophisticated of all species on this planet (apparently), who have the power to destroy, conquer, and love with all our hearts, pale in comparison to the little lace wing when it comes to maternal care. Now, don’t get me wrong, I know that the vast majority of parents are loving and do a great job of bringing up their kids. But, how many horrific scenes of cruelty have we seen in the media? The poor little children being branded as witches in Nigeria, and suffering so much abuse at the hands of superstition and cruelty! In England, we have the dire case of Shannon Matthews. I’m sorry but her mother has no right to claim that title, she is NO mother. BBC news today reports that 1000 sex crimes against children are reported every year. How can anyone commit such an atrocity to a child, and how can you not know if your child is suffering like that! Finally, there are the thousands of children who live with untold levels of mental abuse from their families, abuse that destroys their sense of self to an extent that some cannot ever recover and hope to lead normal lives.
So, please join me in thanking our Mother Gaia for the caring nature of the lace bug. At least something in this world gives a s**t.
References:
Stanley H. Faeth.
Maternal care in a lace bug, Corythucha hewitti (Hemiptera: Tingidae).
Psyche 96:101-110, 1989.
Kearns R.S & Yamamoto R.T
Maternal behavious & alarm response in the Eggplant lace bug Gargaphia Solanz
Psyche 88: 215-230, 1981
Douglas W Tallamay
Insect Paternal Care
Bioscience Vol 4 pg 20
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lace_bug
Sunday, 24 January 2010
Greetings.....
and salutations! Welcome to my latest project, my very first blog, inspired by fellow bloggers who are standing up and putting thier opinions and lives out there with eloquence and courage.
It has taken quite a bit of soul searching to decide to write this blog, and it will exist mainly as my safe space. Having lived my meagre 25 years primarily in a state of fear and self loathing, this blog will act as my outlet, where I can rant, scream and kick at you dear people and suffer the consequences when I am ready.
However, I will not subject you purely to the imbitterness that exists within the child of extreme narciccists (I can't spell this word, I never will be able to, so shoot me). This blog will also aim to share my various learnings and opinions on paganism, buddhism, science, psychology, and anything that happens to catch my eye and I wish to write about.
It also, aims to let those who feel like they are scrabbling around in that all too familiar pit of blackness that always comes back to suck us in when we least expect it, that you aren't alone. Having always been the outspoken sort, I never really realised how many people suffer in silence, and I have been honoured to be the one that people have turned to for help in recent months because I wear my heart on my sleeve and say it like it is. It showed these individuals that they weren't alone, and that there was someone who could relate to them. Maybe what I write on here, will help others in a similar way sometimes.
A brief disclaimer of sorts - a lot of what I write will be my own opinion. It is likely to come across as self righteous, arrogant, embittered, and maybe foolish at times. I'm a passionate person, it results in highly strung ranting. However, it is just my opinion! I do not claim to be the almighty holder of all that is true in the cosmos. My writings are simply my observations of the world and how they make me feel. Obviously, as a responsible person, I will not put out any information I know to be incorrect, and will cite all references (books, websites, papers) that I use to create my more educational posts. Please call me up on anything that you disagree with, but do it sensibly. My purpose on this earth is to learn all that I can, so if I make a clearly stupid comment born out of a hissy fit and you wish to correct me, please do so.
There, apologies made. I look forward to writing this blog, and hope that if nothing else, it adds another point of view to the wonderful cauldron of ideas and thoughts that people create in thier lives.
It has taken quite a bit of soul searching to decide to write this blog, and it will exist mainly as my safe space. Having lived my meagre 25 years primarily in a state of fear and self loathing, this blog will act as my outlet, where I can rant, scream and kick at you dear people and suffer the consequences when I am ready.
However, I will not subject you purely to the imbitterness that exists within the child of extreme narciccists (I can't spell this word, I never will be able to, so shoot me). This blog will also aim to share my various learnings and opinions on paganism, buddhism, science, psychology, and anything that happens to catch my eye and I wish to write about.
It also, aims to let those who feel like they are scrabbling around in that all too familiar pit of blackness that always comes back to suck us in when we least expect it, that you aren't alone. Having always been the outspoken sort, I never really realised how many people suffer in silence, and I have been honoured to be the one that people have turned to for help in recent months because I wear my heart on my sleeve and say it like it is. It showed these individuals that they weren't alone, and that there was someone who could relate to them. Maybe what I write on here, will help others in a similar way sometimes.
A brief disclaimer of sorts - a lot of what I write will be my own opinion. It is likely to come across as self righteous, arrogant, embittered, and maybe foolish at times. I'm a passionate person, it results in highly strung ranting. However, it is just my opinion! I do not claim to be the almighty holder of all that is true in the cosmos. My writings are simply my observations of the world and how they make me feel. Obviously, as a responsible person, I will not put out any information I know to be incorrect, and will cite all references (books, websites, papers) that I use to create my more educational posts. Please call me up on anything that you disagree with, but do it sensibly. My purpose on this earth is to learn all that I can, so if I make a clearly stupid comment born out of a hissy fit and you wish to correct me, please do so.
There, apologies made. I look forward to writing this blog, and hope that if nothing else, it adds another point of view to the wonderful cauldron of ideas and thoughts that people create in thier lives.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
