Smile or Die

*rolls hands together in glee* oooooh I’m going to enjoy myself with this one, I haven’t felt this satisfied since I heard a journalist on ‘Have I Got News for You’ utter the immortal words:

“Am I the only one who can see that Obama isn’t black, he is beige.....” or something to this effect. That one made me very happy for quite a while.

I have finally discovered some printed support for my intense dislike for positive thinking, in the form of a very good book entitled ‘Smile or Die’ by Barbara Ehrenreich.

I hate this culture of positivity we live in....I really really hate it. My whole life I have been completely baffled by why people refuse to utter a bad word against their fellows, regardless of whether or not they deserve it. Why it is considered a terrible thing to feel angry or resentful if you have been done wrong. Instead you get told to forgive! And if you don’t forgive, you will be harming yourself by wallowing in all that negative energy.... ya sure.

I don’t get why crying is viewed as weakness. Why you have to sit and smile and be happy go lucky all the time when with others, otherwise you will be shunned as an ‘emotional vampire who is sucking the positivity from your oh so perfect lighter than light soul....’

Good! Shun away! I don’t want to have to spend my precious time sitting and listening to the inane drivel that falls from 95% of the human population’s lips. I have better things to do. I certainly resent the idea that I have to pretend to be enjoying it otherwise I am not fit to partake in society!

Now, I do see why positive thinking is so attractive, but there is a really scary industry out there that is built around this idea and is making millions out of poor souls who are after a bit of hope. The book the Secret is, in my opinion, one of the most dangerous texts out there. It basically tells you that you can get anything you want, anything at all, just by thinking it. Visualise what you want, be it a fast car, a new husband, a puppy, and it will come to you (anyone noticing a connection here!) Ehrenreich exposes the book to be a collection of the wisdom of the ‘positive thinking’ industry, peppered with quotes from various people who ‘style themselves as coaches and motivational speakers’. It was a propaganda trick, and a horrid one at that. The idea that whatever you think and feel you attract results in victimization and a blame culture. Should you not be thinking positively, then your hard luck is your own fault and nothing less that what you deserve.

Yeah. Tell that to the poor bugger who was repeatedly raped as a child and is now too petrified to step out of their own home let alone have a ‘happy’ conversation with someone.

The first chapter of ‘Smile or Die’ is very personal to the author. As a past breast cancer sufferer, she was heavily affected by what she calls ‘the pink ribbon culture’. She suggests that all the positive thinking that sufferers are encouraged to participate in turns the disease into ‘a rite of passage, not an injustice or a tragedy to rail at but a normal marker in the life cycle’. What made my stomach turn was the argument put forward by some nurses, that chemotherapy smoothes and tightens the skin and helps you to loose weight; the idea being that having the disease can actually improve your physical appearance and attractiveness....if it doesn’t kill you. On support forums, should anyone attempt to express mortification, hurt, anger or sadness at their diagnosis, they are instantly attacked for having a bad attitude and wasting their life on bitterness and resentment. Ehrenreich was actually told that she had to go and get counselling to sort herself out when she expressed anger at her disease!

I’m sorry, but I think this is appalling behaviour. It further cements my belief that human beings are cowardly, lowly creatures. The take off of positive thinking to cure everything, from redundancy to cancer, for me points directly to our refusal to face life as it really is. We can’t cope with the idea of anything bad happening in our lives, so we ignore it. Positive thinking is simply a jollier version of narcissism in my opinion. Both involve a complete lack of empathy for our fellow man. Both involve a refusal to face facts, to look suffering in the eye and deal with it rationally. No body wants to help anyone else anymore, in case we get ‘pulled down by other’s negativity’.

A dear friend of mine cannot listen to sad music, she can’t see the point of exposing yourself to misery. If it doesn’t go fast she isn’t interested, and try to keep the lyrics cheery as well please. I enjoy reading about and listening to tales of strife and despair, because it is in these tales that true compassion and love are often expressed. Where the true strength of a person shines through. My friend often tries to persuade me to get more involved with others, to ‘network’ as she puts it. To be a happy go lucky fool amongst even bigger fools in order to have a social life and a pool of people to rely on in times of need. She has also in the past, subscribed to the idea that I should forgive those who do me wrong, as I will only hurt myself if I don’t.

Now, when you ask this person for her opinion on something, she often can’t give you one. She has very few ‘feelings’ towards just about all basic life situations. She doesn’t have a favourite meal, very rarely actively dislikes or likes anyone, can’t tell you whether or not she likes a hairstyle, nor does she take sides in any form of debate. I think this is because of her refusal to face half of life – the bit that hurts. Instead, we have the mask of positivity to maintain and hide behind at all costs. To like / agree with something over something else, means that you must dislike the something else, and that would involve thinking negatively. All must be ok and dandy and all just fine otherwise that nasty feeling in the pit of our stomach will arise and oh god what on earth do I do with it coz I don’t know what to do with it I’ve never looked at it before I know I’ll stuff it down and watch some Mock the Week coz that will make me laugh and there we go all is well again. Now, what was the bit of myself that I might have just learnt about a moment ago but decided to ignore because it involved discomfort? Oh well never mind.

Now, there is a role for positive thinking in life, but for goodness sake people moderation! I think its terribly crippling to maintain a positive outlook all the time. It results in a complete dismissal of key emotions and parts of your psyche, rendering you unable to fully express yourself and live in balance (the key to mental health in my opinion!). The idea that repressed emotions are damaging has been postulated since Freud, and I think actually that this was one of his theories that is still thought to be correct. If you are diagnosed with some terrible disease, to sit and think that if you stay positive then you will survive is really kidding yourself. Yes, you will feel nicer if you don’t collapse in on yourself and fall into a spiral of depression, but I really don’t think that we have a right to tell cancer patients that they if this happens then they hasten their introduction to the reaper. I for one would not blame any of my nearest and dearest if they broke down under such a situation, and I would hope I could respect their right to sit in a darkened room on their own for days on end and sulk.

Instead, we have a culture that creates terribly tragic thought processes like the one illustrated below:

“I know I have to be positive all the time and thats the only way to cope with cancer- but its so hard to do. I know that if I get sad, or scared or upset, I am making my tumour grow faster and I will have shortened my life”

Please dear readers. If life is a bit shitty, don’t sit and ‘force think’ everything to be OK. You can make anything seem ok if you think hard enough, but you are doing your mental health real harm and not making any effect whatsoever on the material world. Take real action, like improving your diet, retraining, cutting back spending money on treats, or communicate with those who hurt you. I’m not saying you have to feel bad when bad things happen, but it is the natural course of things to do so for a time. Allow yourself this basic of human rights. Allow yourself to feel all, rather than fake good.